02.28.13 cover

 

CONTENTS

Hacking a Lung by Veronica Nicholson

Honesty by Rafael Abrahams

Life Is Not a Dream by Eliza Mott

Beyonce Ever After by Clara Wilson-Hawken

Recommendations by Guy Johnson

The Tunnel by Isabel Henderson

Andrew Sondern Edits Susannah Sharpless’s Common App Essay

Susannah Sharpless Edits Andrew Sondern’s Common App Essay

Introductory Language Classes

by Emily Lever, Susannah Sharpless, Jay Butler, and Eliot Linton

J-Biebz as Jay Gatz by Emily Lever

Baskets and Balls by Lily Offit

A Wolf in Your Clothing by Olivia Lloyd

Remembering Dre by Ben Jubas

 

VERBATIM

Overheard in Frist:

Kappa sophomore: I’m not pretty enough to live in Beverly Hills. I would have to have so much plastic surgery.

Overheard in ART 242:

Esther de Costa Meyer: Now this is the “withdrawing” room, where ladies would resign while men smoked cigars and drank whiskey.

Bro, quietly respectful: Word. (offers fist bump to bro sitting next to him)

Overheard in Ivy:

Smoking aristocrat: Sometimes I with I had bickered Terrace.

Overheard in Canada:

St. A’s Male, to rapt Nass staffers: If a guy wants to come on your face just don’t say it’s gross…Like, I’m sorry my body creates this wonderful seed for you.

Overheard in the Nass office:

EIC: I emailed David Remnick once.  He got back to me within, like, ten seconds.

Former EIC: What’d he say?

EIC: “The New Yorker is not hiring editorial interns for the summer.”

Overheard in Forbes: 

Curmudgeonly Forbesian: At the shooting club, everyone has a locker for hard alcohol.

Overheard in Mathey: 

Girl, trying to act affluent: I don’t think we ever have mortgages.  My dad like to call himself the king of mortgages.  So I call myself the princess of mortgages.

Overheard in a Verbatim email:

Pi Phi sophomore: “Girl, trying to act affluent: … ”

Overheard at the conclusion of a creative writing workshop:

TI sophomore: Alright. I’m out. Gotta go get ma DICK sucked.

Overheard in a room with Christmas lights:

Girl: This menorah really needs to come down.

Overheard outside Terrace: 

Bouncer 1: Did you hear about the naked thing?

Bouncer 2, fondly: Yeah, but at least they don’t beat the shit out of each other.

Overheard in Frist:

Nass social chair, ’16: I’m trying to inherit my grandfather’s lion and leopard skins.

Overheard in Ivy: 

True artist: Only true artists can have highbrow sex.

Overheard in an email:

USG: Drop by the 2015 tailgate from 6-7PM @ the Frick Chemistry Lab.

Overheard in Forbes: 

Charter sophomore: What is Rack City?

Overheard in Cafe Viv:

Girl 1: She has the tackiest wicker furniture at her house in Lyford Cay.

Girl 2: It can’t be as bad as the faux-Medieval thrones in Ivy…?

Overheard on Prospect Avenue:

Drunken stranger to Nass Editor-in-Chief: You never fucking verbatim me. I’m never gonna be in verbatim. Fuck you.