Princeton, IL


CONTENTS

A Day in This Life by Jared Garland

What’s in a Name? by Lily Offit

Real World Anthem by Lovia Gyarkye

What I Like by Scott Tasker

Shaking Down the Shake by Chris Murphy

I Am Not What I Be by Nathan Eckstein

Facial Hair, Don’t Care by Arthur Imperatore

Consider the Lobster Club by Dayton Martindale

The Lapse by Jeremy Cohen

Throwback Soundtrack by Susannah Sharpless

Sunday Matinee by Will Pinke

Making Sport by Guy Johnston

Our Brains, Ourselves by Lauren Davis

VERBATIM

Overheard in Frist:

Ivy junior, on Ivy senior: He’s totally American analytical, but you have to understand the structuralist inheritance.

Overheard in Forbes:

Curmudgeonly Forbesian: I don’t think my family would ever speak to anyone who purports to be press.

Overheard in Wilson:

Nass Freshman: There was this kid last year who wrote his thesis in a week.

Freshman Theta prospect: How long does it usually take?

Overheard at Terrace:

St. A’s sophomore: Black Beauty would’ve been a better book from the horse’s perspective. Y’know, chronicling the abuse.

Terrace junior, excitedly: Fifty Shades of Horse!

Overheard at the Cloisters:

Tour guide: So, about monastic life—

Joking-not-joking grad student: Think ‘graduate student.’

Overheard in Frist:

President of Panhellenic Council, to Ivy Asian: [with respect to her origin] What are you?

Overheard at Terrace :

Nass editor: I wrote my college essay about a Tool song. It was about the Fibonacci sequence.

Overheard at the Center for Jewish Life:

Future Bridgewater employee: Martha’s Vineyard is better.

Overheard on University Place:

 Mother, to adult son: Phis-i-o-log:-ic-ally they have different bodies, guys and girls.

Overheard in Frist:

Disillusioned international freshman, after learning what a corn dog is: I thought they were like vegetarian hot dogs.

Overheard in Spelman:

St. A’s sophomore: I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I see high definition television… I had to explain to my mother what ‘whiskey dick’ was the other day.

Overheard in a basement:

Press Club member: Have you seen The Carter, like the documentary?

Angelic Ivy sophomore: Yeah that’s why I’m so interested in the purple drank.

Overheard at Late Meal:

Ivy Theta: I mean sorry I, like, can’t afford to be an Art History major.

Overheard in Whitman:

Tower senior: After unprotected sex all I can think about is my semen inside a girl. When does it leave?

Overheard in a text conversation during writing seminar:

Unrequited lover: His brow protrudes such an appropriate amount he has a really striking quarter profile also I’m texting this from the bathroom I wonder how he would feel if he knew I’d thought about him while pooping

Overheard at Terrace:

CJL regular, indignantly: Sometimes I look at the Instagrams of my high school friends and I’m like, that is NOT what an Instagram is supposed to be.